Three years I wrote this post on sabotage and since then I have continued to watch myself fall into old habits. I do well for a while and then life happens and I cycle back around. I have been taking part in a 30 day challenge from Revelation Wellness- their goal is to deal with the inside out. It's been a "clean hearting" challenge first and then supposed to trickle down to clean eating and exercise. In the 21 days it's been there I have been dealing with the heart part and not the eating and exercise. I watch during the week but fall short on the weekend- and then there's the days during the week that I succumb to stress and don't do well- I sabotage myself. I want to do it but it's like I listen to the lie that says I failed earlier just let it all go when instead I should not let one bite, one wrong choice define who I am. This is something I have been thinking about as the week has progressed- as I have had conversations with co-workers, friends online, and God. Then today at church we sang two songs- one was one we had sung before and while each time the lyrics strike me- today I saw them in a new way. That will be posted below. The second was actually just a chorus that I found out one of the guys on the worship team wrote (so hopefully he won't mind me posting them here). The line that hit me "You give me Freedom. You give me life." (Peter Bales)
You see I have been living as a slave to food- I have let it control me. I let myself live in the "well, I don't have anyone so I can eat and it doesn't matter what I look like". "I had a bad day so I can drown my troubles in this bowl of ice cream." "I ran so I can eat whatever I want." I have been feeding my body but not well and in the process I have been feeding my heart lies. I know when I have not eaten as I should- I feel guilty, I feel blah, I feel hungry. I know that that isn't what the song is referring to- but for where I am, for all I have been pondering and processing it was what God placed in my lap to remind me gently that He has given me freedom over that. Food should not be a bondage in my life and He is calling for me to let go and give that to him once and for all. I do not believe that this means I will not be able to eat "good" tasty stuff like birthday cake, ice cream, and pizza but I do believe that He is calling me to let go of the hold that food has on me and to look to him for my ultimate nourishment. I read a saying on pinterest- It's only in surrender I am free...
There's no riches or earthly treasure
That will satisfy
Every longing is for You Jesus
Set this heart on fire
Oh, set this heart on fire
I let go of all I have just to have all of You
And no matter what the cost I will follow You
Jesus everything I've lost I have found in You
When I finally reach the end I'll say
You are worth it all
You are worth it all
6 comments:
It is not you alone. You live in a household where that slavery is an issue. I will do whatever I can to help, even if it means getting rid of the ice cream or whatever else I bring in. I'm willing to work with you on this. But I also agree that Jesus has given us freedom, not only from the slavery to food, but also the slavery to bad thoughts which put us down. I love you much
What can I do to help? I love you and you've got this!!!
I love this and I love that you are so transparent. You are definitely not alone!
Thank you for this. For being so open.
You can do anything with His help and it seems you know how to get that.
Bless you!
Oh gosh, I can so relate. It's so hard pushing down all of those voices whispering that you are a failure, you are not good enough, so there's no point in trying. Those songs are beautiful and you are surely not alone in this!
Just getting around to reading this but thank you so much for being honest and sharing. This is a huge struggle for so, so many people. I love seeing the support you have in the earlier comments and pray God will help you break free of this stronghold. You are not alone!
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