Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sabotage, Clean Slates, and Overcoming

Sabotage is defined as: the act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it does not work correctly or n act or process tending to hamper or hurt.  

I have mentioned several times that I have been struggling- I finally admitted to a friend that I am in a cycle of sabotaging myself.  I am not sure why but I can pinpoint when it started- all the way back in June when I went to the doctor.  When she changed the number she wanted me to weigh I felt the wind go out of my sails.  I kind of took the attitude of "I worked so hard to get where I am and now it's all changing again."  The sad thing is I started to gain some of the weight back a little before the doctor but then that just made me feel defeated.  

After talking with a friend and getting a friendly "Gibbs slap" (but not literally) I realized I had two choices.  I could continue to whine and complain about it.  Or, I could have the attitude of "suck it up buttercup", gather my resources, pull up my big girl panties, and wipe the slate clean.  Obviously, I chose option 2- and I literally wiped the slate (or in my case the mirror clean).  I had been keeping track on my bathroom mirror since the journey started of my weekly weigh ins.  I was getting discouraged by looking at them so I wiped it down and am starting fresh on Monday.  I need a new start- to realize that I am not who I was and not yet who I am going to be.   

Because, you see- that night I got home, got on FB and this picture is what I see- along with the note on the FB page that I follow about not allowing old habits back in, no sabotaging yourself- literally within minutes of voicing out loud what I have known for a while.  


I feel like I am being watched and criticized for every little food/drink choice I make, every day I don't exercise, etc (and while that may not be true- I feel like it is).  What I have come to realize is this- there will be days where I don't do as well, where I have that pizza, or cake, or even soda- and guess what?  It's okay- it doesn't make me bad- it does make me normal.  As long as I don't make that my steady diet then it will all be okay.  My goal is to focus on healthy choices 80-90% of the time- the rest will work itself out.

So- to that end- I ask for your support, your prayers, your prodding and accountability.  I want someone to get on here, or on my FB page, or my twitter and ask me if I got my workout in or how I ate today. 

And this- well, this is the song that has been on my heart  and on my playlist lately- especially as I have struggled my way through this past week (oh and get the tissues out)

My challenge for the week: to stick with my workouts and my eating.  I have a busy week but I think I can do it and do it well!  I did not stick to my no soda- BUT I did cut way back so there's progress!  I will get there!


Bill (cycleguy) said...

I'm proud of you for trying and working so hard and not quitting. YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER! There are days, as you have said, where you will "cheat" on the diet, not feel like running, etc. But start over the next day or even that same day. Don't be defeated. And sorry I won't be checking your fb page or Twitter to see how you are doing or beating you over the head. You will just to put up with texts or seeing me in a couple of weeks. :) Love you much. And sorry. No tissues here. You know me and that sort of music. lol

Tami said...

It's not the music that you need the tissues for- it's the video with R.R., SH and GG. The song itself is very upbeat :) And I know you won't check my FB or twitter :) Thanks for the encouragement- love you too!

Flaming June said...

I have heard that song several times, but never seen the video. AWESOME message and such an inspiration.
This comes at a good time for me. I started trying to eat right again last Sunday, and made it to Friday before totally blowing it. all. weekend. long.
Today I woke up and thought, "I'm going to fast all day today"
but I realize that that is not wiping the slate clean. That is trying to rewrite the slate, and that cannot be done. I just need to start fresh and forgive myself! Food will always be something I struggle with... the goal is not that I always win, but that I never give up the fight!
thanks for this post, Tami!

Melanie Wilson said...

What a great attitude. Praying for you! The only number that matters is #1. You are #1 in God's eyes. Because you are, you'll be motivated to do whatever He calls you to do.

Caitlin H said...

I'm sending you a huge virtual hug, love! You are so incredibly strong and can do so much more than you think if you have faith in yourself. Take it one day, one moment at a time if you need to. You can do anything for a moment :)

Jodi Stuber said...

baby steps :) dont give up faith in what you are capable of and enjoy the journey (even the struggles!) if you slip and fall one day... dont forget to get back up :)