I have mentioned several times that I have been struggling- I finally admitted to a friend that I am in a cycle of sabotaging myself. I am not sure why but I can pinpoint when it started- all the way back in June when I went to the doctor. When she changed the number she wanted me to weigh I felt the wind go out of my sails. I kind of took the attitude of "I worked so hard to get where I am and now it's all changing again." The sad thing is I started to gain some of the weight back a little before the doctor but then that just made me feel defeated.
After talking with a friend and getting a friendly "Gibbs slap" (but not literally) I realized I had two choices. I could continue to whine and complain about it. Or, I could have the attitude of "suck it up buttercup", gather my resources, pull up my big girl panties, and wipe the slate clean. Obviously, I chose option 2- and I literally wiped the slate (or in my case the mirror clean). I had been keeping track on my bathroom mirror since the journey started of my weekly weigh ins. I was getting discouraged by looking at them so I wiped it down and am starting fresh on Monday. I need a new start- to realize that I am not who I was and not yet who I am going to be.
Because, you see- that night I got home, got on FB and this picture is what I see- along with the note on the FB page that I follow about not allowing old habits back in, no sabotaging yourself- literally within minutes of voicing out loud what I have known for a while.
I feel like I am being watched and criticized for every little food/drink choice I make, every day I don't exercise, etc (and while that may not be true- I feel like it is). What I have come to realize is this- there will be days where I don't do as well, where I have that pizza, or cake, or even soda- and guess what? It's okay- it doesn't make me bad- it does make me normal. As long as I don't make that my steady diet then it will all be okay. My goal is to focus on healthy choices 80-90% of the time- the rest will work itself out.
So- to that end- I ask for your support, your prayers, your prodding and accountability. I want someone to get on here, or on my FB page, or my twitter and ask me if I got my workout in or how I ate today.
And this- well, this is the song that has been on my heart and on my playlist lately- especially as I have struggled my way through this past week (oh and get the tissues out)
My challenge for the week: to stick with my workouts and my eating. I have a busy week but I think I can do it and do it well! I did not stick to my no soda- BUT I did cut way back so there's progress! I will get there!