Monday, October 3, 2016

Finding Freedom

Three years I wrote this post on sabotage and since then I have continued to watch myself fall into old habits.  I do well for a while and then life happens and I cycle back around.  I have been taking part in a 30 day challenge from Revelation Wellness- their goal is to deal with the inside out.  It's been a "clean hearting" challenge first and then supposed to trickle down to clean eating and exercise.  In the 21 days it's been there I have been dealing with the heart part and not the eating and exercise.  I watch during the week but fall short on the weekend- and then there's the days during the week that I succumb to stress and don't do well- I sabotage myself.  I want to do it but it's like I listen to the lie that says I failed earlier just let it all go when instead I should not let one bite, one wrong choice define who I am.  This is something I have been thinking about as the week has progressed- as I have had conversations with co-workers, friends online, and God.  Then today at church we sang two songs- one was one we had sung before and while each time the lyrics strike me- today I saw them in a new way.  That will be posted below.  The second was actually just a chorus that I found out one of the guys on the worship team wrote (so hopefully he won't mind me posting them here).  The line that hit me "You give me Freedom.  You give me life." (Peter Bales)

You see I have been living as a slave to food- I have let it control me.  I let myself live in the "well, I don't have anyone so I can eat and it doesn't matter what I look like". "I had a bad day so I can drown my troubles in this bowl of ice cream."  "I ran so I can eat whatever I want."  I have been feeding my body but not well and in the process I have been feeding my heart lies.  I know when I have not eaten as I should- I feel guilty, I feel blah, I feel hungry.  I know that that isn't what the song is referring to- but for where I am, for all I have been pondering and processing it was what God placed in my lap to remind me gently that He has given me freedom over that.  Food should not be a bondage in my life and He is calling for me to let go and give that to him once and for all.  I do not believe that this means I will not be able to eat "good" tasty stuff like birthday cake, ice cream, and pizza but I do believe that He is calling me to let go of the hold that food has on me and to look to him for my ultimate nourishment.  I read a saying on pinterest- It's only in surrender I am free...

There's no riches or earthly treasure
That will satisfy
Every longing is for You Jesus
Set this heart on fire
Oh, set this heart on fire

I let go of all I have just to have all of You
And no matter what the cost I will follow You
Jesus everything I've lost I have found in You
When I finally reach the end I'll say
You are worth it all
You are worth it all

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Hoosiers Outrun Cancer and a serious thought

Last Saturday, September 17, was the annual Hoosiers Outrun Cancer in Bloomington.  I had the chance to participate last year and enjoyed it so came back for more fun this year.  And fun it was... and very, very, very wet.  Right before it started I thought that the rain was going to diminish until about halfway through (well, my halfway through which was some people's done) and it poured.   I was watching the water gush off of my hat and was thankful that I had one!  Before the race started they began with some survivors and had them speak.  One of the young ladies (she is only 4 years older than I am) that spoke was just a joy to listen to.  She had lost her dad (who had been an IU football coach) to brain cancer back about 10 or so years ago and then about 2 years ago was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She said that the one thing her family learned during the fight with her dad was to find the joy and laughter in every trial and and every day.  That really struck me- so often I lose that ability to find the joy and laughter because I get caught up in the mundane- the every day trials of life, the struggles that I find myself going through.  After that  the wet 3 mile journey through the hills of Bloomington began.  I have been running off and on all summer but stick to mileage around 2 miles per run- it was a feet issue (which I finally have an answer to and will talk about in another post) but basically had done very few runs that were 3 miles or more.  I didn't do as great as the one I did last spring BUT I did do better than last year's time by about 3 minutes.  Next up, a trail run tomorrow (but really it will be more of a walk), a virtual 5K the second weekend of October, and the Ohio State 4 mile run in late October.  After that- we'll see- if the feet issues get themselves straightened out I would love to train for another half (and honestly I would love that half to be the Knoxville one again).

The video I am posting today I have posted before but in light of the reason I did the run I felt it was appropriate.  Oh, and that young lady that spoke before the race last week- she passed away late yesterday/early this morning in a car accident.  Just really "smacked" me in the face.  I am processing some thoughts on it but this has become the bottom line:

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Life is Not a Hallmark Movie

People who know me know that I love romantic comedies- You've Got Mail, While You Were Sleeping, Sleepless in Seattle, Hitch, My Big Fat Greek Wedding... the list could go on and on.  Honestly though, I have not watched any lately (I actually haven't watched much of anything lately- especially since we just got cable back about a month ago).  However, with the recent cable addition my mom has watched a lot of Hallmark movies.  I joke when I walk by- asking her if she wants me to tell her what is going to happen and she usually rolls her eyes at me.  I laugh and either sit down for the ending or turn around and go back to my room/office. Really there's only so much I can watch- because I know that life is not like a Hallmark movie- wrapped up in 2 hours and finding a love that lasts forever


.  I know myself, I know my heart... I know that if I watch too much of those or the movies I get caught up in the trap of "why can't I find that?" "Why don't I have that?" "Why is this not something I have experienced?"  And when those questions start coming- I know what my next question will be and what will ensue after that.  That question- "What's wrong with me? Why am I not enough?"  Then comes the funk, the unsettledness, the discontent, the heart that struggles to find delight and to trust.  And when I feel discombobulated already- well then this adds to it.  So, for me, rather than taking my heart down a path it doesn't need to travel- it's just easier to not watch them- until I know I can watch them with a clear mind and a steady and guarded heart.

Monday, September 12, 2016


If you have read my blog long enough you might remember this post that I did back in January 2014 after an event called Run 4 Their Lives.  Since then I have followed news about human trafficking as well as following the Run 4 Their Lives and Freedom 4/24 facebook pages.  Back in late June/early July I got an email about a virtual run that supported Christine's House over in Uganda which helps young ladies (many of whom are pregnant) who are trying to get out of trafficking.  I signed up and received a card of who I was running for (and her story).  The medal and t-shirt I received were just extras.  The race was scheduled for July 23rd.  I had a plan but earlier that week I got bit by a dog on the leg while I was running so I had to adjust and be happy with whatever I could get.

After I continued to keep up with the news but not sure of what my role could be in this setting- wanting to help but realizing that at this time- running, supporting, and praying may be what I do.  Then this past Thursday, September 8, the church hosted a "forum" to bring to light the plight of child exploitation and human trafficking in the area where I live- again, something was stirred in my heart but not sure what and where to go with that.  I ended up signing up for another virtual run through Run 4 Their Lives which is actually a domestic focus instead of an international focus.  It will take place the weekend of October 7-9.  I will actually be in Ohio during that time but since it can be run anywhere I am hoping to get it done either Friday, the 7th after school (if we leave Saturday) or Saturday the 8th (if we head to Ohio on Friday).  And then I found out that a movie that focuses on this horrific activity will be released mid-October from the guys of From King and Country.  I heard this song on the radio and LOVED it- I think because it resonates within my heart and then to find out that it's the basis of the movie- well, I am super excited to see how God is going to use this to show me what his plan for me in this will be!

Mirror mirror, mirror on the wall
Tellin' those lies, pointing out your flaws
That isn't who you are
That isn't who you are

It might be hard to hear, but let me tell you dear
If you could see what I can see, I know you would believe
That isn't who you are
There's more to who you are

So when it's late, you're wide awake
Too much to take
Don't you dare forget that in the pain
You can be brave, hear me say

I see you dressed in white
Every wrong made right
I see a rose in bloom
At the sight of you (oh so priceless)
Irreplaceable, unmistakable, incomparable
Darling, it's beautiful
I see it all in you (oh so priceless)

No matter what you've heard, this is what your worth
More than all the money or the diamonds and pearls
Oh this is who you are
Yea this is who you are

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Odds and Ends- This and That

I know I say it every time and every time I really DO mean it so maybe this time I won't say it and it will happen.  Anyway, life is just life- back to school, back to reality.  I am back at the same school and teaching the same grade.  We have two new administrators and it's completely different!  I am exhausted at the end of the day but it's a good exhaustion.  And yet, because of that exhaustion and our silly schedule (teachers are 8:00/8:15 to 4:00 but students are 8:45-3:45) I haven't found that balance yet.
I am getting there and making time for things that were once important to me that I pushed to the side.  I have signed up for some races (one is Saturday yikes!), started making some cards again,

and actually tried something new this past week when I did Pilates after school with two co-workers.  I ran off and on this summer- not as often as I would have liked but more than I have in the past.  However, it was HOT and there were a LOT of days that the weather just didn't cooperate.

 And then there were my feet- they also didn't cooperate- I believe I have the beginnings of PF and ended up scheduling a podiatrist appointment for the 19th.  As much as I am dreading it- I am also looking forward to getting answers and a plan.  This summer was a busy one- I had trainings for work, a trip back to Knoxville and Atlanta, a trip to Ohio, time spent with my nephew, and so on.

I am in the midst of setting goals, making plans and trying to work my way back.  What are your tips and tricks?

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Things I love- April

I have seen several posts on my FB feed (because let's face it I haven't been to my bloglovin' page in weeks because of time) that have a monthly- things I love post.  That's my plan for this post- just something fun and to get me posting again.  I have been ruminating on some thoughts lately and just need to journal them all out before I make a post about them.  So here goes:

My April Top 10 (if I can come up with that many and not in any particular order!)

1. God's Not Dead 2- I went and saw this in our local theater last weekend (and as a side note- I love this theater- I watched the work in progress when I would come home on breaks and run down this street).  As a teacher and as a Christ-follower this movie was one that I have wanted to see when I first saw the trailer (we won't mention the movie where I saw the trailer because that was one of the most ridiculous movies I have ever seen).  Anyway- it struck a nerve with me, several nerves in fact.  It's had me thinking all day long and pondering my life.  Am I making an impact?  Am I leaving any kind of legacy?  Am I living my life in such a way that I would stand for truth without blinking an eye?  This quote from the movie really stuck out to me and it is my new "battle cry" (for lack of a better word)

If you have the chance to see the movie- I highly recommend it- and stay all the way to the end of credits...

2. This song- which was part of the movie- I am a big Newsboys fan- and even more so with Michael Tait (since I was a huge DC Talk fan for years!)

I understand this may not be everyone's cup of tea but it goes along with all that I have been asking myself.

3. LuLaRoe- if you haven't been introduced to it just tell me and I'll hook you up.  If you have- well then you know what I mean.  I think I have spent more money on clothes since February than I did all of last year.  As a teacher they are perfect for the classroom because they are comfortable, can be dressed up or down, and comparable in cost to buying in the store (plus I don't have to go to the store).  The patterns are totally out of my norm and if I were at the store I probably would have passed them by but I took a HUGE step out of my comfort zone to try them and love it- I actually feel more confident in myself wearing them. I am actually having an online party on May 14th.  If you want to join in then check out this LLR page; Abby Franklin

4. The sunshine and blue skies.  Yes, it has rained a bit here, yes, we had a tornado warning with one spotted not far from the house but we have had outdoor recess more often than not lately.  I am just glad I don't have to wear the heavy winter coat anymore (this makes me want to move further south than Knoxville... If only the family were closer).

5.  It's BASEBALL season.  My Braves... well, I knew it was going to be a LONG season (didn't realize just HOW long though) but I will keep cheering them on!

6. Back to 5K's.  I did a 5K locally a few weeks ago- that one was a bit ridiculous because at the beginning of April it was a feels like of 18 and there were thousands of people there.  I started to think I was crazy :) LOL!  Today I did another one that was even more local and at the state park.  It was cool (about 55) and rainy (at one point it was torrential downpour.  Lots of rolling hills and one big hill toward the end (more on that in another number for the month).  Lots of encouragement from people I don't know!  It was a smaller race (don't know how much the rain factored in) but I loved it!  I have been slowly chipping away at my time and being able to get back into running at least twice a week has helped.  I finished today right about 40 minutes.  That was 2 minutes off my last 5K time and the fastest it has been in about 2 years (since before sinus surgery).

7. McCormick's Creek State Park.  This is the local state park (about 2-3 miles from the house) and where the race was this morning.  This year is the 100th year for the park which was the first state park in the state of Indiana.  It has several trails and one of my goals for this year is to hike every single trail at least once.  I ended up buying a pass so that gives me an incentive to use it.  I also hope to do quite a bit of running there.  The scenery is gorgeous, the road through the park is well paved, and the hills should get me ready for a 10K in Brown County State Park in November and eventually the half I want to go back to Knoxville to do (that last hill is about as long as Noelton- not quite as steep but will help with the hill training for sure!).

8. & 9.  My new shirts!  Love these- the pink and gray a friend made for me and the yellow one I won with a challenge on a Fitbit group I was part of on FB

and 10. This graphic sums it all up!

Friday, February 26, 2016

Fighting Back

A few weeks ago I was at the chiropractor and heard this song- I didn't know who it was so I pulled out my phone and used the Shazam app to find out.  I felt like I was listening to my heart being put to words by this young lady.  Everything started to fall into place, in the midst of great turmoil in my heart and the biggest thing I realized was that I was letting myself go.  Since December I have had two rounds of strep and something else going on (which I need to get figured out asap) but when I sat down and looked at it- I realized that it had been months since I had truly exercised.  I was miserable- I am miserable- I feel miserable- it was time.  So- what have I done since then?

  • Visited our school corporation wellness coach- I know I studied this and could probably do it on my own- but I haven't in 3 1/2 years.  I needed the accountability.
  • Ran twice and signed up for a free 30 day trial of Beachbody on demand (and if I find I use it I will extend it because for three months it's cheaper than one month at the gym.
  • Made a simple goal to exercise a minimum of 2 days per week for now and to create a list of things to do to keep me from stress eating.
  • Going to sign up for 2 April 5k's.
Not a lot- but it's a step- for me- if I am going to succeed on this journey then I have to take the baby steps.  

(and I know this isn't long but I wanted to make an effort to blog this video and the thoughts that have been running through my head the last two weeks.  I have a few more rattling around)