Life is Not a Hallmark Movie

People who know me know that I love romantic comedies- You've Got Mail, While You Were Sleeping, Sleepless in Seattle, Hitch, My Big Fat Greek Wedding... the list could go on and on.  Honestly though, I have not watched any lately (I actually haven't watched much of anything lately- especially since we just got cable back about a month ago).  However, with the recent cable addition my mom has watched a lot of Hallmark movies.  I joke when I walk by- asking her if she wants me to tell her what is going to happen and she usually rolls her eyes at me.  I laugh and either sit down for the ending or turn around and go back to my room/office. Really there's only so much I can watch- because I know that life is not like a Hallmark movie- wrapped up in 2 hours and finding a love that lasts forever

                                          

.  I know myself, I know my heart... I know that if I watch too much of those or the movies I get caught up in the trap of "why can't I find that?" "Why don't I have that?" "Why is this not something I have experienced?"  And when those questions start coming- I know what my next question will be and what will ensue after that.  That question- "What's wrong with me? Why am I not enough?"  Then comes the funk, the unsettledness, the discontent, the heart that struggles to find delight and to trust.  And when I feel discombobulated already- well then this adds to it.  So, for me, rather than taking my heart down a path it doesn't need to travel- it's just easier to not watch them- until I know I can watch them with a clear mind and a steady and guarded heart.