**Part of becoming an overall healthy individual is addressing our "issues" in all areas- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As I work on letting go I will be addressing these- which is why I feel these things belong on my blog.**
With that said...
It's summer and summer means wedding season. As the years have gone by I have been invited to and attended many weddings. I am ashamed to admit that there have been weddings that I have been invited to that I decided at the last minute to not attend (and have regretted it) because my heart was not in a good place. I was struggling with my singleness and questioning, "why not me?" This summer I have been invited to and attended 2 weddings. What makes this summer different? Why is it easier for me to go to these weddings with joy? There are a couple of reasons- one is that both of these weddings involved a bride that I knew well- one has been a co-worker for 9 years and one has been a friend for 10 years and was even my roommate for a year. But, what I think is the biggest reason, my heart is in a better place. Is it where I want it? No, but it's getting there.
Where is "there"? It's resting in Him- again- trusting that His plan is bigger than mine. It's holding on to Psalm 37- that when I delight myself in Him, when I find joy in Him, when I cling to His truths, then He will give me the desires of my heart (which in reality should be his heart)
Interestingly enough, in my ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship= Sunday School) we have been reading and studying the book Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. The chapter this week was about Experiencing God's Love and there was a part in the chapter that I am going to type out- it's a bit long but I don't want to paraphrase and lose it. Bridges started with Isaiah 54:10 which talks about God's unfailing love not being shaken (here's where I'll let him speak) "And because His love cannot fail. He will allow into our lives only the pain and heartache that is for our ultimate good. Even the grief that He Himself brings into our lives is tempered with His compassion (Lamentations 3:32). The assurance here is that God will show compassion. It is not enough to say He is compassionate, but He will show compassion. That is, even the fires of affliction will be tempered by His compassion, which arises out of His unfailing love. Our afflictions are always accompanied with the compassion and consolation of God." Then later in the chapter Bridges brings up Isaiah 43:2
So, what does that mean- to me it means simply this- He knows what my heart is going through. He knows what I can't often express. He allows pain and heartache into my life BUT, (sometimes I love that word) He is there to walk through that water, that fire, the pain that threatens to overwhelm my soul, the loneliness that aches when I go home to an empty house, the longing that worms its way in when I see a family together when I am out and about. He promises that He will be there. If I am choosing to let go and trust then that means I have to let go and trust completely. For the last 10-11 years "my verse" has been Zephaniah 3:17 and it will continue to be so but I think it's time for a new verse as well. This verse is part of Psalm 37 and when I saw it- I knew- this is what God is calling me to pray, what He is calling me to do, who He is calling me to be. So it's time. It's time to let go of my singleness, to surrender- once and for all- that part of my life to God. It's time to be still and wait patiently for Him. If that takes one day, one month, one year, or one lifetime then I know that He will walk this journey with me.
And to close out this long post I want to share this video that came to mind today during the message- as it was being said that we live out the fruit of the spirit from the inside out and the following lyrics fit perfectly: "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing you praise... my heart and my soul, I give you control. Consume me from the inside out, Lord..."