One of the definitions of failure is "lack of success, falling short". I have spent many evenings in tears reliving my days and trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I did wrong, what I can do better and each time I walk away feeling as if I have completely failed. Now, whether that's true or not- who knows but it's where I am right now. I read this blog this week and I felt like Jennifer Dukes Lee (guest posting) was reading into my heart. I even told my dad this week that I feel like a failure and that fight the lies daily that say I am nothing, that it's not worth it. Because I have failed this week (and many weeks)- I have lost my patience, I have lost sight of ministry, I have forgotten to see with His eyes, I have hardened my heart, I have focused and listened to the lies.
You know the thing that gets me is when people (both Christians and non-Christians) berate or look down on people for struggling in this area. Because quite honestly the struggle is real. I know WHOSE I am but I still fight the lies that the enemy throws at me. The seeking of approval of man is there- whether it be through relationships (of any kind), job evaluations, and even through the collection of materialistic things. We post blog posts hoping for comments to show that someone is reading (and while they are nice that's not why I do it), we post statuses or tweets hoping for likes, comments, favorites or retweets- all in a bid for someone, anyone, to acknowledge our existence- and when it doesn't happen- we feel like a failure.
- I am a daughter- twice- my earthly father (and mom) and my heavenly father.
-I am not only a daughter- I am a princess- because my heavenly Father is a King and not just any king- but the King of Kings. (2 Corinthians 6:18)
-I am saved- because of placing my faith in Christ I will one day walk the streets of gold and be given a new name. (Revelation 3:11-12)
-I am a friend. (Proverbs 17:17)
-I am beautiful- I may not always feel it and it may not be the physical beauty that the world defines as beauty, but He reminds me that He looks at my heart and not at the external. (1 Samuel 16:7)
-I am delighted in and sung over! (Zephaniah 3:17)
-I am loved. (John 3:16)
-I am a treasured possession (Exodus 19:5)
I am worth it! Just because I haven't found "the one" doesn't mean I am not worth it- just means I am going to continue to trust and wait. (Psalm 27:14)
-I am not alone- EVER! (Deuteronomy 31:8; Matthew 28:20)
-I am HIS! (Revelation 3:5)
At the end- I want to be like Apelles!
2 comments:
You hear me say this over and over...you are not a failure. It seems to me like some of it is getting through. :) You are a beautiful child of the King and a wonderful daughter of mine (and His).
Tammi, this is a great honest post. I must run in the crowd who understands struggles for we pray a lot for each other in this area. The enemy of our soul cannot take our soul since Jesus bought and paid for it on Calvary. But he sure loves it when we lose our joy from believing the lies.
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