May's Musings

Lots of random thoughts in this post- May is always busy with the end of school and I feel like I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off (one of these days I really want to see if that really does look the way I feel) but I keep telling myself the end is in sight.  As of today (Wednesday, May 10 when I am writing this) there are 12 more school days and that number keeps dwindling.  There's SO much to do in those 12 days that I am a bit overwhelmed with trying to figure out HOW in the world I am going to get it all done.

Thankfully, in this season of busyness, God brought a book into my life that is perfect. I get to be part of a book launch for Bonnie Gray's new book that comes out at the end of May.  It's called Whispers of Rest and it's a 40 Day journey to experiencing true rest that can only come from Him.  She is highlighting the first three chapters leading up to the release and this week is chapter 2.  The pictures below are from Chapter 1 (and hopefully early next week I can share Chapter 2's photos).

 

 

In some areas I have been struggling a bit- contentment is a big thing for me right now.  I don't know if I can even really call it a lack of contentment though.  Unsettled maybe?  Usually I am typically "okay" with my singleness and childlessness.  Even now I am still "okay" with my childlessness but the single part of my life- that seems to be where I am a bit unsettled.  I tend to get this way around the end of the school year.  May and June are (and have been in the past) pretty big months with Mother's Day, Memorial Day (the weekend of my sister's wedding anniversary), my birthday, etc. so I think that's a big trigger for me.  I had my music on shuffle and have all kinds of random songs in there and there's one that I heard at a friend's wedding and really liked it so I downloaded it.  I have listened to it before but it hasn't come up in the shuffle in a LONG time but today it did- it's Martina McBride's (and the guy from Train) song called Marry Me.  So I started thinking that maybe this is part of my trigger (even though I haven't heard it in MONTHS) and it ended and the very next song was Mercy Me's new song- Even If.  At that point I took a deep breath and just praised Jesus through that song because THAT is where I need to live and that is where I typically am living EXCEPT in that area.  I know it's something I have to keep letting go of and yet I don't- I give it up- feel like I am done with that and move on but then things start being planted in my mind and my heart about not being good enough, never going to find someone, and so much more and discontentment starts to take a hold before I realize it.  So- until I have no more breaths (or until Jesus comes) I will be daily lifting this particular struggle up.  And Even If....

I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now

But God when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Give me the strength
To be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful
You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You're able
I know You can

It is well with my soul

I think that's probably enough for tonight- I have more I want  need to say but will save that for another post.